The OFFICIAL (Not) Joke Thread

[samueeL]

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A women who won't do what she's told.

I really lol'd @ this:

Why is it called PMS?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

[Mitchell]

what i don't get is why in most houses the bedrooms are upstairs, while the kitchen is downstairs/on the main level. wouldn't it save on chain length if the bedroom and kitchen were on the same level? better yet, right beside each other?

It would only make women lazy

[fergal41]

I think it's time for 9/11 jokes...

Click to view the fullsize image.http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_cmuhwmCOf3o/T ... towers.jpg[/imgwidth]

[Jeremy Kill]

What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t?
Come in eight flavors.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.

What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future, either.

Why do women have arms?
Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

[Bobbyjames]

I think it's time for 9/11 jokes...

Click to view the fullsize image.http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_cmuhwmCOf3o/T ... towers.jpg[/imgwidth]

[Emil]

I smell angry american rant coming. It's funny though.